life living me

What gave me some hope this week:

• Invite for pints from long, lost Phil.
• Resounding praise from the magazine editor coupled with hope that I would write much more for him and promises of a good meal to be shared.
• Plans for a hike in the Gats with someone who is almost my sister on Xmas day after the babies leave.
• Good feedback at work.
• The peace and joy that comes from Bikram. And remembering that the hard way is the right way and that it is harshest in the light. Oh, so true.
• Revealing the truth of it and letting it happily go.
• Realizing that the moments of panic and despair are fewer and farther between.

What gave me some pause:

• J said my fallback position is "no." She said it in the truthful manner of someone who loves me and only wishes me the best. I thought about it and realized she was right.
• Canceled plans without any acknowledgment.
• Christmas coming at me, not like the train wreck of last year, but a quiet and certain hell none the less.
• A few moments of panic and despair.