2 x 365 Hussein

When I worked at the Malaysian restaurant you were the sweetest Malaysian. You were polite and always looking at me and smiling. But I was an 18-year-old waitress used to smiling men, so when you moved back to Malaysia I completely forgot you. And then you sent me letters and I realized what little thought I had given to the fact that you were a stranger in a strange country. I could have paid a little more attention.

1 x 365 Pete Veit

We are probably not supposed to use last names, but Pete Veit was never just Pete. He was always Pete Veit. I think I called him Pete Veit in bed. We worked at the same restaurant and flirted across the heat lamps all summer, every summer. He had louts for friends, hockey hair and a perfect body - he was an '80s god. I am not sure we ever had a meaningful conversation but it was somehow spectacular and no one got hurt. It might be the most perfect romance I ever have. Oh, Pete Veit, where are you now?

What I like about my car (a short list)

Two things I like about my car:

1. It makes me feel like a grown-up
2. It goes with my hair

Driving list

Why I was not meant to drive:

• I don't even like driving
• I don't particularly like cars
• Cars are bad for the environment
• Driving brings out the not-so-nice side of people
• Cars are isolating and dehumanizing
• I OFTEN forget to turn off my lights and kill my battery (evidence from this week: on Tuesday night I left my lights on while at a writing date at a coffee shop. At night. When it is dark and usually not difficult to catch such a BRIGHT oversight. On the downside: I did further damage to my battery and had to stand by the side of the road shaking my head at myself and wondering how I would get through the rest of my driving life without driving myself crazy. On the upside: I met a lovely boy named Steph who assured me it was his PLEASURE to give me a boost.)
• Yesterday I got a letter in the mail from the provincial transit authority letting me know that because I had failed to pay my car registration that was due at the end of September, my car was no longer allowed on the road. Or else. (The or else being a sizable fine). Christ.

List of things I need to know how to do

Things I need to know how to do (even if I do not like them):

• my taxes
• make small talk
• boost my car (really need this one - see above)
• choose and buy appliances (luckily not often)
• be alone
• drive in a foreign country (I walk and public transit just fine)
• say no
• deal with repairs

second list of second day (because this is my first blog)

When a week is too long:

• not seeing my children (even if we talk on the phone every day) - I need to hold their little hands, kiss them, hug them, stroke their hair, tell them I love them, make them muffins, cuddle in bed and read books
• not seeing JW - makes me come all unfrayed
• no yoga - I need that peace and joy, peace and joy (plus my focus goes blurry, my muscles tense, my heart closes a bit and my sex drive starts to dive)
• no chocolate - a week. ha. as if I could even come close.
• not plucking my eye brows
• not being home

oh god, another list

Where I find religion:

• Van Morrison
• yoga class
• on the bus
• on my bike (only in certain places on the path)
• naked in a lake
• reading Anne Lamott
  
• Graceland (only once, but it was the closest to God I have ever been)

Second list of lists for today

The big list:

• Accept all invitations
• Always drive the bus
• Set more boundaries
• Open your heart (WIDER)
• Breathe, Pray, Be kind, Stop grabbing
• Pay more attention
  

The following strikes are currently underway:

• domestic
• gardening (cross the line on this one from time to time - the poor plants do need a drink and they give me so much pleasure, it is hardly their fault they are needy)
• sex (excluding intense weekend breaks)
• projects around the house (possibly never again)
• being the administrator of relationships
• getting married (very, very firm)
• ugly outfits (why?)
  
• anything that wastes my time
  

Today's lists

My favourite things

• books
• magazines
• my bike
• birth control pills
• flowers
• my new black boots (they say fuck me gently)
  
• my portable DVD player
• my piano
• M & Ms (chocolate of the people)
• champagne
• public transportation

Reasons he will never be the one:

• he is an island
• potentially unreliable
• mostly forgets me when I leave the room
• oh too Zen
  
• loves women (potentially ALL women)
  

Reasons it is a shame he will never be the one:

• so sweet
• could kiss him forever
• spectacular in bed
• does not want to eat my soul
• oh so Zen
  
• introspective
• gentle
• I love every minute of every visit, every time
• says every right thing in every right way
• loves women
• his beautiful hands
• makes me try a little harder (as well I should)