where does it all go?

This is what has been keeping me from myself and everything lately:

• Martha Wainwright
• work
• the noise in my head and the enemy that is my lack of imagination and my over driving restlessness
• making endless plans
• eating cake
  

With men it seems that if you take away the possibility of sex you can take away the possibility of everything. They can disappear pretty quickly.

I am not sure if I have made a mistake. And I am not sure if that's ok, because part of the beauty of being here is nothing ever has to be the final thing. And the fact that I can even draw a Bridges of Madison county comparison to my life makes me cringe (but for the record I only saw the movie). And now that other woman and my children.

If it was Saturday night there is no doubt I would be out having cocktails and dancing away the loneliness.

Something to remember at a time like this, when the night is closing in and strangling my heart, that yesterday at the outdoor skating rink the afternoon was nothing but laughing children, lovely cold cheeks, the scrape of blades on the ice, the slap of the puck, the promise of hot chocolate, the lowering of the sun and the slight sparkle on the snow (more subdued than the enormous glitter of the summer sun on the lake, but sometimes we need to look more closely to see the beauty that is still so plainly there) and the people I have always known.

2008

You have arrived. Here are a few things I have read today, the first day of you:

• "... the essence of friendship is that you always let the other person off the hook." ( L Cohen) I believe this to be true.
• "Sometimes when we think we are keeping a secret that secret is actually keeping us." (F Warren) This must be true as well.
• "Mind the gap." This one just kept playing in my mind for obvious reasons.

And apparently the mustache is back. Who let this happen?