you

I will never figure this out. I have changed my mind every hour every day every every week for the past year. We have broken up more times than you will ever know. And if you did know you would think I was banana cakes. Which I am. Where you are concerned.

Why I cannot call you back:
1. I need to break up with you (for good) and I am not quite ready. I would like to suspend the disbelief for a little longer. Maybe for so long that by the time I do get around to calling you back and breaking up with you (for good) I will no longer care or remember.
2. I will go into the call with all those nonchalant intentions, but likely end up wigging out a la Carrie Bradshaw.
3. I told you if you could not figure it out I was so done here and I know you have not figured it out. I know you've got nothing.
4. Frankly I am more than a little pissed. This is trying your best? Really? Why didn't you just let me go the first time?
5. I might cry. I will cry.

All those years that you said were difficult and you were drowning your sorrows? These are my difficult years and I am trying not to drown. And you are a distant shore that keeps disappearing.

marriage

#1 - I cannot explain it. He was very persuasive and when someone is that in love with you they can convince you of a lot. Plus he was European, which can make a difference.
#2 - All I can say here is that my ovaries were screaming so fucking loudly, my common sense could not hear itself think.
#3 - Never going to happen. There will be interventions. But my dirty little secret of wanting to marry up is not so secret anymore.

28 x 365 Jason

J, J, how long has it been? My god. I was an usher at your wedding and got to hang with the guys and wear a tux. Instead of hair and make-up, the prep to the big event was scotch and cigars. You were a dishwasher and then my boss. Last week you pulled up beside me in a cube van when I was out on a lunch-hour run. You have gone bankrupt, lost the restaurant and the house and own nothing. But you still have the girl you have always loved, everyone else you have always known and your cheery disposition. You are walking, breathing, living proof of what actually matters.

what i learned this weekend

1. The Easter bunny does not exist. This hurts more than you think.
2. I am not the only one who is surprised that God has not found them by now.
3. The world is still not a safe place for hearts.
4. Speed does not necessarily kill, but it sure can cost you.
5. My age in binary numbers.
6. That turkey, stuffing, gravy, four veg and daffodil cake meal that your mom made every year when you were growing up that tasted so, so, so good? It still does. Not many things in this world have that kind of staying power. Amen. And thanks to Jesus for the 4-day weekend.

27 x 365 the easter bunny

Of all the fictitious holiday characters you are far and away my favourite. Why? Chocolate, flowers and spring, and oh so soft. Need I say more?

I haven't been busy so much as not paying attention

With the following:

• skiing (learning)
• losing things etc. (gloves, glasses, bus pass, locking keys in (running) car)
• weird highschool reconnects (courtesy of Face Book)
• Hawksley Workman
• and really this weather wastes an awful lot of my time
• email
• daydreaming
• cleaning my house
  

26 x 365 Robb

This will be the longest 365 days ever. It may be the year that never ends. Anyhow, we started (barely) and stopped. Pitched and stalled. And now are what? I am not sure at all, but you are perfect on paper (and online) and possibly the nicest (living) guy I have ever met.